I'm about to leave for Guatemala in few days, a mission trip to visit and work for some beautiful orphans. I'm so excited and keep thinking about last year when I went to China for a trip kind of like this. I've been thinking today about pride, I think the Spirit is trying to remind me to be aware of this, be surrendering this flesh in advance this time around. Last year was a painful wake up call that just because I might not have a mirror or camera in my face 24/7 doesn't mean I can't have a problem with pride and self.
It's so easy to get bound up in pride, to fall into it's grasp and live a life there. It's easy to be caught up in yourself, so frustratingly easy. I despise and crave pride at the same time, it sounds a bit weird but that's the human in me I suppose. The Spirit knows that this self is the last thing I need, but the 'old man' -woman in this case- constantly craves attention. The old desires thoughts of self, how does everything affect me, how do I feel, what do I want, it's a maddening and destructive cycle.
Even in surrendering pride, pride still can find a way to slide into your life. Making you think that it's all about you getting your focus off yourself, which is just a crazy circle that comes right back to where it's doesn't need to be. Often I try as David said to "take my life into my own hands," and so wash away my sin with my dirty hands, but self can not get rid of its very own self.
The thing is, I want to use this life to bear Love's heart out into this world I'm in, but I can't bear Love's heart if I'm too busy bearing out my selfishness on my life. When I'm focused on myself, that will bear out in my actions and life each day whether I realize it or like it. But when I gaze faithfully and passionately at Love above all else, it will inevitably show in my life.
Love
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